#02 - Musings from a Broken Heart - Robert M
🎧"part of my archival process is recording the man i am, the man i was, and the man i’m becoming"
Behind the Stack (BTS) is a community-driven space unpacking the stories behind the NAME of each substack newsletter. "BTS" for short.
This obsession actually started as a notes thread where I curated the writers with interesting newsletter names.
Follow me on this journey as I get curious about the writers who bless us with their words.
audio by Robert:
The first time I saw
’s newsletter “Musings of Broken Heart” I knew it had to be a visitor from the future looking out for me. It was timely. Musings of a Broken Heart plays a song about masculinity, Christianity, and reality that I am always proud to dance to.Let’s get into it.
Q: Why the name Musings of a Broken Heart? Why not Musings of a Whole Heart?
Robert M: Quite simply because my heart is not whole, that's for real.
Not in the slightest.
I grew up as a proud atheist, and one of the many reasons that I am proud of this is that I grew up without a certain spiritual way of having to appear in this world. Particularly, when it comes to handling grief and pains.
And I have found a lack of transparency with many of the spiritual figures within the Christian spaces when it comes to matters of the heart.
For me, brokenheartedness influences the way that I approach myself and this world.
Q: Being a brokenhearted theologian, how has this influenced your understanding of God?
Robert M: Hmmm….Well, musing from a brokenhearted place, theologizing in brokenness, means that, hey, I'm slower to speak and quicker to ask questions and to listen.
And when you've had your world shattered, at least for me, I don't have a ton of pompous assertions that people need to believe. The shattering and rebuilding process means that I keep before me hard truths about reality. I will never try and use God as a band-aid or a trite answer.
I be raging at and with God and hope that others do the same.
Q: You mentioned feeling brokenhearted by life, God, and your own decisions. How do you navigate between faith and disappointment?
Robert M: I don't navigate between the two, ever. I am deeply disappointed and deeply faith……”Faithful” would be a stretch. Hopefully, optimistic would be a better way to describe my views. I carry these tensions with me as I navigate life, God, and my interactions with others.
Q: “Sickness has broken my heart continually” is such an unpopular thing to say. How has it impacted the topics you explore in your newsletter?
Robert M: You're never going to get shallow assumptions from me. Neither do I feel the need to convince others of much. I have a big, multifaceted heart and that is why I titled this substack with the word musings in it.
I explore topics that interest me.
Comic books, poetry, literature, black theologies, my own poetry.
Really anything that pops into my head on a walk or a run. Yeah, there is no content plan, though I have tried hard to do one.
Q: How do you find purpose in a world that has broken your heart in so many ways?
Robert M: I don't know that I have a good, rousing1 answer for this. I find purpose in putting one leg in front of the other and living. I find purpose in walking in a beautiful place. I find purpose in my plans. I have a lot of them. I find purpose in my many bookshelves. I find purpose in eating Oreos…..hmm!
I'm here to experience as much pleasure as possible.
Q: What practices help you embrace the implications of a broken heart?
Robert M: Eating cookies, buying books, eating cookies. I just said that. Ahahaha!
It's true.
Composing music that I find beautiful. Sharing my heart with others. Podcasting, ironically, helps….because it is something that I do in community with others.
There have been so many podcast conversations over the years that have caused my heart to open up…..in ways I didn't expect. I have been triggered and I have cried my eyes out on many occasions.
Q: Of all the writers that I study, I've noticed that you frequently attach selfies in your articles. Why? And are we expecting to see one in-person with Alex, Mark, Jamal, Stan—in the nearest future?
Robert M: Everything flows out of that brokenheartedness that I referenced, right! It has been a gargantuan2 journey to learn to love myself, to come out from hiding, and to believe that who I am is beautiful inside and out.
So I'll post selfies simply because I am a work in progress, and part of my own archival process is recording the man I was, the man I am, and the man I am becoming.
I lament the fact that I don't have a lot of baby pictures or images that show my childhood.
And I suppose, in reference to when we’d see pictures with the brothers in the future, I suppose anything is possible.
Q: Your type of content makes you an easy target for some types of people, especially ones who loudly disagree about some of the things you about. How do you navigate interactions with these folks?
Robert M:……I block them, people. That's it. I don't navigate them. I block them!
Q: Can you share about your experience of being a man without a father figure in a world that often assumes men don't need one?
Robert M: I don't even know that the world assumes that men don't need one. I think that people don't think much about men, and specifically where men are coming from and where they are going to.
They're just assumptions that are placed.
I don't think people are thinking about our origin stories often. Society has done that. Toxic ideologies have done that. Men have done it to themselves. We have done it to ourselves.
With that said, I grew up in enmity with my father. I talk about this often because that battle stemming, I believe, out of my father's hatred for himself spilled out onto me in very deleterious ways. I had to learn how to protect myself and later how to love myself. This process has been a lifelong journey and one that I don't think that I will ever graduate from.
I am learning to father myself and the process of fathering myself every single day…hmmm!
Pass the Torch:
(a segment where the current BTS guest asks the next BTS guest a random question without knowing who the guest would be)
Robert’s question:
the question I would ask is based on a poem named "Late Fragment". Did you get what you wanted out of this life?
This was the story behind Robert Monson's substack newsletter musings of a broken heart. If you enjoyed this, please share, and even if you didn't—please try creating yours.
PS: Nothing beats listening to the Audio by Robert.
Check out the lord’s work that Robert is doing out here:
if you prefer, you can listen on Spotify:
exciting
enormous
Every time I hear Robert speak, I want to hug his face
Tobi, this is great. I don’t see a lot of writers that look like us doing these interviews. Keep it going man.